Sigh.

A neighbor came by to return Farmer's cell phone yesterday.  He had found it in the middle of the street, along with a plaid tablecloth.  I don't think there's anything else to say about that, except that no one was surprised.  Not me, not the neighbor, and not Farmer.

The Quotable Farmer

About the screened porch room off the kitchen: "I don't know why there are all these flies.  I don't think there's anything dead in here."

Someone Left the Cake Out in the Raaaain

And by "cake" I mean "seeds."  As in, 20 or so packets of seeds, which aren't ever supposed to get wet except when you put them in the ground because otherwise they'll start sprouting and then you can't plant them and then you've wasted all your money.  I wasn't here when this happened, of course, but at least Farmer had the sense to take the seeds inside at some point during the rains.  The result is that I came back to a kitchen full of this:

To answer your inevitable questions: yes, that is a dinner plate; yes, it is sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen with seeds drying on it due to Farmer's stupidity; and no, it was not alone.  Not by a long shot.

The Potatoes, Part II

You may remember that we planted potatoes a little late.  Nevertheless, Farmer was shocked when very few of them (like...1/16th of what we planted) came up.  But he had a plan, of course.  We would just plant something else in the rows of potatoes that hadn't germinated!  Brilliant!  So off he went to plow up the land.  When he was done, what do you think we found?  If you guessed "rotten, decaying pieces of potato with what appeared to be antlers growing out of them," congratulations.  Shockingly, the potatoes we had put in the ground had not simply disappeared in the intervening month or so as Farmer had assumed, and this made planting something else in those rows seem a little stupid.  The solution, of course, was to pick up the rotten, decaying potato pieces and their antlers (with our HANDS) and consolidate them all in one row, where of course they'll really grow this time.  For real.  Seriously.  We mean it, guys.  Come on.